Today, March 12, was Mom's birthday. We lost her 35 years ago. She passed three days after her 45th birthday.
I remember the call from my youngest sister who was living at home. I was 26, married and living about 7 miles away. It was one of those groggy mornings, I didn't understand what was said. But I knew something was wrong, quickly dressed & drove to the house. As soon as I got out of the car, I saw Grandpa who lived next door. As he walked back to his house, he commented,
"It should have been me." "How could this happen?"
The rest of the day was a blur. My husband drove to pick up another sister at college. My brother was 11 and unsure of what to do. Dad clung to him. Through the blur, we gathered and made decisions. We went through the motions. Choose a dress. Meet the Funeral director. Make arrangements. Select flowers, music, .. So many things none of us knew anything about. We tried to be a family. We spent the night together. We tried to live past it We took dad on a trip across the country. In April I finished sewing my youngest sister's prom dress. Holiday gatherings were not the same. Grandchildren were all born after she passed. We took Dad on an airplane trip. We celebrated special events but we always felt the space.
Sometimes I thought, I'll give her a call, temporarily forgetting that she was gone. One night in my sleep she came to the foot of my bed. She told me everything would be ok. It seemed so real, I wanted it to be real. Time passed, life passed. Mom, you are sorely missed. We will always love you.
This is one of the most heartfelt and honest slices I've read. Thank you for sharing a piece of what life was like after you mom's loss with us. I cannot imagine the hurt and the pain you and your family experienced. I'm glad you kept her memory alive in your writing on her birthday.
ReplyDeleteStacey,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your comments. Thank you for the opportunity to write and share slices of our life. I have grown because of your blog. The connections to others is so important to me.
What a comfort to feel that presence from your mom and know that it would be okay. This was a very emotional and honest piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your memories.
ReplyDeleteBetsy,
DeleteThank you , your comments mean so much.
The part about your mom coming to visit to tell you it would be okay was heartbreaking to me. Grief is so difficult, for our whole life it seems we keep on missing. Thank you for sharing something that is still so difficult. xo
ReplyDeleteNanc,
DeleteYes, grief does stay with us. Thank you for your comments.
Once after a friend died way too soon, I saw him in my room at night or maybe just felt his presence. These feelings are real. Your mother is with you always. So hard to lose her when you were so young. Thanks for sharing her special memory with us.
ReplyDeleteMargaret,
DeleteThank you for sharing with me. I appreciate your comments.
I'm glad you still have this connection with your Mom. I think we get through it but not necessarily over it. There are always days and events that trigger these intense memories. Sometimes I think they are always just under the surface.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you shared.
Storykeeper,
DeleteThat seems so true, just under our present life and we never know what causes them to surface. Thank you for commenting.
How strong you are and were to walk your family through such a loss. I have to say though, that part where you describe your Mom at the foot of your bed: real.
ReplyDeleteLee Ann,
DeleteThank you. I appreciate your comments. The experience seemed so real, even now.
What a sincere reflection on how a family pulled together after a horrible loss. It is clear that your family is strong -and that your connection to you mom continues.
ReplyDeleteAnita,
DeleteThank you so much. I really appreciate your comments.
This is a beautiful slice in your mom's memory. I'm sure it must have been such a terrible loss to lose her at such a young age. I love your lines...time passed, life passed. Mom you are sorely missed. Funny how we never stop missing those very important people in our lives.
ReplyDeleteJulie,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I appreciate your comments.
Pat
As I read this again, I was struck with how often you said "we". I'm so glad your family pulled together in your loss. I wish you Good Memories as you face the day tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteLori, thank you again. Writing the SOL felt cathartic and the comments from other slicers helped me see it from the outside.
ReplyDeleteLost my mom seven years ago. I love what you said about how you always feel the space. That's it exactly. And I still reach for the phone to call her.
ReplyDeleteI have longed to dream about her and finally, a month or so ago, I did. She was happy and radiant, here on the steps of our house (which she never saw, but would love). She had with her one of my dear dogs who also is dead, and she, Kaja the dog, was also healthy and happy. The dream comforted me so very much.
Carrie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your dream. I also think about calling mom to tell her special things. Thank you for reading.